Want to know what you should be doing for your future wife? Me too.
I was thinking about what a guy like me should be doing for my wife – even though I am not married.
Build a career where I am making bank? Buy a house? Bulk up? Yeah, those are good things…but I was looking for the things that have lasting value.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31
After thinking and praying and reading God’s Word, I got to some core priorities. I think these are awesome because they actually make you a better man. Here they are:
1. Pursue Jesus first. 2. Pray for her. 3. Honor her in my thoughts.
It is so counter-culture for guys (and girls) to do these things.
So why and how should we do this? Here is some of what I have learned….
1. Pursue Jesus First
From my experience, this is the single greatest thing I can do for the woman God has for me.
As men, we need maturity to respect and honor her – to love her as Jesus would. We need wisdom as we make decisions and lead.
So how do we get there?
The Lord makes it so simple. Seek Him first and Jesus will be faithful to bring wisdom and maturity.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” – Proverbs 9:10
Pursue Jesus on your own and for yourself – not to be good enough or to put up a front for your lady.
But for you.
Tip: Get in your Bible every day. Find at least one verse to think about and apply to your life during the day. Get worship music to surround yourself with that builds you up in Christ.
Grasp the Big Picture
See the amount of love Jesus has for you: He was whipped, beaten and put to death.
And then He beat death. He went to hell and came back. For you. Just so that you could be free from the bondage of sin.
Because of Jesus, we can have holiness today – and when we get to Heaven, He will finish the work he started in us.
That vision of life and eternity puts all the day-to-day of relationships and marriage into perspective.
The little disagreements. The misunderstandings. The confusion. The uncertainty. The differences in background. The annoying habits. The imperfections.
All of those things look almost meaningless when compared to the amazing reason you and your (future) wife are alive.
The reason: Life today is preparation for eternity with Jesus.
I honor my future spouse by pursuing Jesus first, because I become more like Him when He is my center.
As a result, Galatians 5:22 says we become more self controlled, more humble, more forgiving, more sacrificial, better protectors, better leaders and better men.
What other way could you bless the one for you – than to live a life like Jesus?
2. Pray for Your Future Wife
Whether you are dating or single, it is so crucial to pray for your future wife. Why?
First of all, the Word calls us to do this.
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” – Ephesians 6:18
Isn’t your future wife “the Lord’s people?” We should be praying for our future spouse.
I have been praying that Jesus would be her everything, her first love, the center of her life.
I want me and my future wife’s desire to be the heart of this Psalmist:
“You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:24-26
Prayer Overcomes Selfishness
I know for me as a guy, good godly future desires – companionship, marriage, sex – can easily become sinful if Jesus is not at the center of my life.
In selfishness, I want those things right now. I focus on what I want from her, what I want her to be, what I want her to do. It is all about me.
And the result of that selfishness is nothing but sin and ugliness.
I realized that I need to reset my attention on Jesus when that selfish attitude starts creeping in.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:4-7
Going into prayer turns my heart to the Lord. As I surrender in prayer, my heart longs to be in step with God’s heart. His desires become my desires.
What is Jesus’ desire for us? That we know Him and love like He did (see John 15:12).
With Christ at the center – I seek what He wants for her, what He wants her to be, what He wants her to do.
And my hunger becomes for God to do these things in me.
Instead of being impatient for tomorrow, I get to rejoice in the place that God has us in today – where He is shaping me and my future spouse into His likeness.
Tip: When loneliness or impatience or anger comes – stop and verbally pray. Thank Jesus for all He has done for you. Thank Him for your future wife and His work in her. Pray that Jesus’ love would overflow in her life.
3. Honor Her in Your Thoughts
Finally, to honor your future wife in your thoughts today – whether you know her or not – is central for all of us younger men.
It happens to every one of us. You are going about your day and all of the sudden…temptation comes along.
It could be a thought of your girlfriend. It could be an image on your computer. It might be Blurred Lines on the radio…what a catchy song.
I can choose to let it cause sin. Or I can turn away.
Tip: Use imagery against imagery – picture Jesus being whipped for your sin. Iron whips shredded his body. He was nailed to a cross. The sin you are being tempted with was represented there. He died that to give you holiness.
Jesus was pretty clear about our thoughts.
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28
Sure, we can recognize beauty – but then to flirt with temptation, and then to dwell in those lustful thoughts is straight up sin.
It is not only sin, but Jesus says it is adultery. Whoa.
Most of us, including myself, have probably been an adulterer.
It made sense that I sinned before I knew Jesus. But now I know Jesus. How could I not honor Him in everything? What excuse could I have to not honor my wife?
Sometimes, I made myself think, “oh well she is not here right now. So it is not THAT bad.”
But just because my future wife is not in the room – if I think lustfully after another woman – haven’t I basically acted as if I am not committed to only her?
Unlike the world, Jesus calls us guys to a high standard – to honor and love our wife within marriage – AND before marriage.
My Body is Actually His
“The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?” 1 Corinthians 6:14-15
Jesus is calling us to holiness. To honor Him and to honor our future wife, with our bodies AND our minds.
“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8
God has a woman out there for you.
What a blessing that despite whatever sin we have in our past – whether it is thoughts or actions – Jesus washes over our sin and makes us clean.
Clean not only before Him, but before our future wife.
How awesome will it be to present yourself to her in marriage – as having guarded your mind and body in holiness.
When temptation comes, encourage yourself with how sweet that day will be.
I have committed to honoring my future wife today and every day. And His ways are so much better.
Doing these things are drawing me closer to Jesus – and building a foundation in my life for a healthy, happy, and Jesus-honoring relationship.