I wanted to share from my perspective what a girl should look for in a future husband.
First of all, I’m a guy.
I’ve made the mistakes and haven’t lived up to the things I’m about to share. Thankfully, God has SO much love for me that He is growing me into a man of these qualities – despite my weaknesses.
And it’s important for you to know – all guys have and will probably fail in the following areas. You won’t find a perfect guy.
But what you can look for is a man who is pursuing Jesus and is striving to have the following fruit flow from his life.
God has created YOU with the unique purpose to encourage him as he seeks to live in even greater holiness.
Second, I share my thoughts because I want the best for you: a man who will love you like Jesus does.
…this man will not be perfect either.
But this kind of man will sacrifice his life for you – and lead you to do the same – just as Jesus did for us and calls us to do as husbands and wives.
1. He has Jesus at the center of his life.
What does this exactly look like?
Here are a few core examples of evidence that Jesus is at the center of a guy’s life.
- He loves to pray and is quick to go to Jesus in every situation.
- He does his best to be in the Word everyday and encourages you with Scripture.
- He thinks about and brings up spiritual questions that he has and challenges you to grow with him.
- He prays for you.
Humility – honesty – peace – patience – tenderness – self control and selfless love are the flowers that grow when a man (or woman) has Jesus at the center of their life and the Holy Spirit is renewing them.
Honestly, if the guy you’re interested in doesn’t have a strong or existent relationship with Jesus – his relationship with you will be rough because his life is not being renewed in Christ.
It’s probably best for both of you to let go of him and let him focus on Jesus – before you continue further and date.
Ask the question, what glorifies Jesus the most:
A husband who will run with me towards Christ – or a guy who doesn’t really care?
2. He is your bestfriend
The one thing that I hear from my married friends who have healthy relationships is: marry your best friend.
This allows you to be yourself, to be honest, to encourage each other. You get to know one another without feeling anxiety about the other person leaving when you mess up and say or do something wrong.
You will say hurtful things and act selfish and you will see his imperfections – but you learn about many of those things…as friends.
If a dating/marriage does happen, you’ve already seen many of his weaknesses and strengths – and he has seen yours.
He will still have his best buddies and you will have your best girlfriends.
But being bestfriends and being married is different in that it means you can be completely open and honest. There’s security and trust to share EVERYTHING.
Your relationship will be so much stronger.
Plus, it’s pretty easy to ignore who someone really is if you just want to date them. Not only is that sort of selfish, but it’s a quick way to get your heart hurt.
So look for that guy who is your best friend.
3. He protects your purity.
This one is simple but super important – because so many of us struggle here. Scratch that…I’ve struggled here.
Either we create awkward legalistic rules…or we think we can face temptations on our own because we are super-Christians.
Neither way leads us to honor each other – or Jesus.
Plus, let’s be real, the temptations become even more alluring.
Instead of rules or thinking you can face it yourself – I’m finding that there is a better way for us guys and girls.
That is: To have a heart for purity.
And I’ve learned that this heart really comes from the Quality 1. – make Christ the center of your life.
Reminding yourself daily and living in what Jesus did on the cross, reminds you of your identity – and the identity of the person you love.
So…the guy that you want sees you as a daughter of God, his sister in Christ, and a jewel to be protected while you are in his life.
He is still going to feel temptation, but he doesn’t let it control him.
But this man has a core desire to honor Jesus.
He doesn’t flirt with temptation, but instead leads you into situations where you respect and love one another as Jesus would.
And I know a question the Holy Spirit gives you the answer to in moments of temptation is: Are we bringing glory to Jesus right now?
4. He has vision of eternity and for life together.
The guy you should want has a vision of eternity and grasp on the big-picture of life. He probably won’t have everything figured out, but he’s humble and seeks the Lord for wisdom.
- He sees the meaning for his life – the meaning for marriage. (to love Jesus and become more like Him)
- He desires to know what God wants him to do – he dreams big and follows through.
- He has vision for how you will join him in accomplishing those dreams.
If you make one another your idols (source of value, identity, purpose, etc) there are going to be problems in your relationship.
We have to remind ourselves of the great reason we are alive.
5. He loves you just as you are…and encourages you in growth and maturity.
This kind of guy loves you for who you are. He sees your imperfections and sin and loves you…just as much.
At the same time, he walks with you and encourages you to learn from your mistakes and grow. And he welcomes you to help him as he learns and grows from his mistakes.
- He leads you towards Jesus, challenging you by being an example of how to love and be like Him more and more.
- He looks to forgive when he’s been hurt.
- He is gentle when he thinks you’re wrong.
Overall, the guy tries to love you as Jesus would. (Remember, this guy needs your respect and love too.)
6. He respects your family and honors your parents.
Including your parents and family is really healthy. It shows that he wants to be transparent and respect you.
Obviously every situation will be different, but overall the more the better.
It might be asking your dad for permission to date you, or it might not.
But I’ve learned that the more you include your parents – the healthier your relationship can be.
So finally, look for a guy who not only loves and respects you, but loves and respects your family too.