Dating Someone Else’s Spouse

I heard a simple, yet powerful message today.

I want to share it because it reinforces and nourishes the high value that the Lord places on our holiness and on relationships.

It went like this….

“When dating, the other person is not ‘your’ girlfriend or ‘your’ boyfriend. They are someone’s future spouse.  With this in mind, you see them differently. Your desire becomes that you honor them physically and emotionally.”

Isn’t that a refreshing and actually loving way to view the person you are in relationship with?

I know what you might be thinking: “It’s not a problem because we are definitely…er probably…um maybe going to get married! We love each other!”

But, while you might end up getting married – you have not made the awesome commitment – and until then they are not yours and you are not theirs.

As 1 Corinthians 6:15 says “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?”

We have given our lives to Jesus. Everything we are is His. Our thoughts, our words, our hearts, our actions, our bodies. Everything.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” – John 15:12-13

We are called to love as He loved. How did Jesus love? Jesus loved us SO much that rather than have us be in sin, He died so that we wouldn’t have to be.

So just like Jesus gave up his life because He wanted us to have holiness above anything else –  you and I are called to that same commitment to the holiness of our brothers and sisters in Christ – including those we are dating.

I have also been thinking of it like this:

If she was someone else’s spouse, (like she was actually married to another man) would I have trouble determining what was right and holy and honoring to Jesus?

Would I make excuses and blur lines?

Of course not. Each of us would call that out as adultery.

So following that, since the woman I am dating is not mine today, how is it different?

Shouldn’t I have the highest respect that honors and loves her as Jesus would – just as if she was someone else’s?


The benefits of this high view of dating and marriage are so healthy.

If things do not work out, when you honor one another physically and emotionally – you get to hold your head high with integrity as having treated them as your sister or brother in Christ. If it does work out, then sweet!

What better way to start a marriage than to build it upon a relationship where Jesus is the center of your life?

Not only does this lead you closer to Him – but also closer as a couple throughout life.


Why would we, as guys and girls who want to honor one another, do things any other way?



Hey, I'm Andrew. I'm living for Jesus and writing about all the things that I get to learn and grow in. I have passion for Jesus, people, music, economics, the ideas of liberty, and having adventure.

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