In the past week, I traveled to San Francisco for a quick trip. As I was walking through the airport, my thoughts were going to “What am I doing?”
Now, I consider that question often – not because I feel like I’m wasting life – but because I tend to look for more.
Even when I’m in a expenses paid trip to a historic city.
Currently, I have this cool job where I don’t need to spend hours per day in traffic and my schedule is flexible. (Yes, Mom I have a REAL job!)
This has allowed me to have time to mentor a couple teenagers, serve and lead worship 2-3 nights a week, write music seriously, be a youth leader on Wednesdays, and be available pretty much at the drop of a hat.
As I zoom out, I can see how God has provided for me and is using my giftings. However, it doesn’t matter where I am – I feel myself looking for more.
When I forget how God has provided and is using me, I start looking for something new to satisfy.
I want to live somewhere else, I want a spouse, I want to play music professionally, I want a house, I want a better car, I want….
And I want it now because “I’m done with waiting, God.”
Yes, in my mind I know God is faithful. I know He’s going to provide. I trust Him. But sometimes, it’s hard and I’m frustrated.
It’s in these times that I turn to myself to fix it. I stress out, I act busy, I over commit, I waste time chasing things that won’t fulfill.
In the airplane, I was reminded of Adam and Eve.
The Bible indicates that they had an intimate fellowship with God – free from sin. Still, they wanted more.
The enemy planted the lie that God isn’t good, that He isn’t trustworthy. “There must be something more.” “God hasn’t really given you all you need.” “He’s withholding something from you.” “You’re not enough, you need to do more.”
Here I was sitting in this airplane, realizing that I struggle with if I can trust God.
And just like Adam and Eve, I’ve believed the lie that God isn’t completely and totally good.
I’ve believed that He isn’t enough for me, that I need to be doing something MORE to be happy and content and at peace.
The reality is – God has provided for me in amazing ways! He saved my soul and given me grace for all my countless sin (even what I’ve today), he loves me, he has given me giftings and opportunities that are unimaginable.
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3
I don’t need to earn Jesus’ love. I don’t need to do more or be somewhere else to be living fully.
I can do that TODAY!
So as I landed in San Francisco, I was reminded to zoom out, get God’s perspective, and stir up thankfulness in my heart. And to be honest, this is a daily battle for me. Even today, I’m writing this not because I’m being super thankful, but to remind myself to live a lifestyle of thankfulness and walking in the Spirit.
God is good and I CAN trust him!